Stay-at-home orders - now, in some ways, lessening to “suggestions” of staying at home after six months of adjusting to life changes of pandemic proportions - make lots of room for reflection. In retrospect, I’ve been thinking about quarantine and it’s various stages…

In the beginning, it seemed like the staycation none of us expected, but most of us delighted. Some days I worked on my laptop from bed until three in the afternoon! It was g r e a t. My days slowly drifted, leisurely, amidst morning podcast walks, evening Zoom “happy hours,” lots of cooked dinners, plenty of Office reruns. This paced day-to-day-ing was a treat and a delight.

But even quarantine snowballed into one big project to be conquered - after all, now’s the time to seize the open windows of time and opportunity to do ALL the things I’ve been meaning to do! Bake that pretzel kit I’ve had since Christmas, learn that recipe, commit to fifty pushups a day, plant those seeds (literally, that’s not a Christian metaphor; I was given cocktail garnish seeds I could plant in jars and grow in my bathroom), raise my 401K auto-payments, try manicure stickers from the drugstore, actually stick with one workout app (are my abs showing, yet?)

Five to six months in, though, I’m over it. In spite of everything, recent times have ushered in an ongoing flow of new routines that were probably possible before, but still, this wave of unforeseen free time and flexibility has given me more courage and a calmer, self-assured mind to commit to these goals I’ve had for so long.

I’m reading more books now than I have in many years. I’ve added a handful of new mastered recipes. I’ve leaned into absorbing the truth in our country’s history, not simply what I was spoon-fed in school. I subscribe to the newspaper now - yes, the delightfully physical, crisp Wall Street Journal, every morning. I’ve taught myself three ways to brew coffee. And lately, one of my roommates and I have been shamelessly geeking out over our new juicer and the multitude of things we can toss in it to fill jars and jars full of fresh, yummy, healthy fruit and veggie juices. #HealthyAF

There’s still plenty I want to do. For now, I’m enjoying the paced nature of it. It’s about enjoying the five AM bike rides past all the D.C. monuments because I can; an ephemeral, digital cyber friend named “Dan” reading me the book of Psalms on Spotify all the while. Early morning, it’s my favorite time of day. It’s revisiting my love of photography, not for the posting or likes or affirming replies, but rather because it’s one of those few things I can so easily lose myself in for hours, pursuing the perfect shot by way of angles, lighting, color, and pose. It’s the art, of itself, of getting lost in it. (Don’t get me started on the editing!)

While I may do four of every ten things I set out to do, the Lord loves me no less. It’s what makes him Lord and me, well…not. :)

And for that, I’m reminded that I’m not loved and valued for the productivity machine I can tweak myself to be, but simply because I’m loved. Period.

If it takes slowing down to remember these truths, so be it.

Bottom line: I put a lot of pressure on myself to perform. But when I remember that my worth is inherent because my Creator, too, is inherent - I can rest.